Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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