I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
