drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
