He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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