I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
