And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
