Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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