i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize