Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
