What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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