i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
