I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
