We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
