She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
