FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize