ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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