It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You need Xanax blowdarts
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
