Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
