so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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