Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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