We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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