i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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