Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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