i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize