i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
