yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
my poor anus
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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