Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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