I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
