If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
