I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
