her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
