She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
