Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
