We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
