so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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