we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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