Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
