alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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