I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
try to milk me bitch
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
