didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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