i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize