I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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