Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
