I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
her facebook's as public as her vagina
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
