I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
