So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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