Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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