did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
