I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize