if you like me you must not know who I am
She said her name was "party"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
