He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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