How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
