Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
