Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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