Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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