Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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