we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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