So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
