would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
