I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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