one two three fourrrrnication!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
