Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
