I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
