Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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