for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This baby is an asshole
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
