That's when you crack a 10am beer
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
