I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
