Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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