I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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