Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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