This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
